Anime Blog Online

Transformers 2: the Great GM Bailout

June 27th, 2009

Optimus Prime and his Autobots ist mein Kameraden.

To start off this post is simply meant to address poor tj_han’s NERDRAEG over Transformers Revenge of the Fallen, hopefully before he pulls out all of his hair as Michael Bay suckers more people (he even got jpmeyer) into watching this film one of them presumably being tj_han unless he got in for free. First thing one needs to know is that Michael Bay is no artist he is anything but subtle (among other things), but the thing he does have is a big budget and Transformers is to be honest true to the spirit of the entire franchise and by that I mean toy whoring and making money, hopefully by now tj_han will realize Hollywood has no taste and that their only real saving grace is having a bigger pot of money than everyone else, otherwise Bollywood would have destroyed them long ago. Also hopefully by now he can stop flaming people for being what he considers ignorant sheep, which I value for tax paying purposes and one ought to sheer their sheep not burn them alive. I see Michael Bay’s Transformers trilogy (Bayformers if you prefer) as one long commercial that I for one just want to see how far they will go in pimping products and how much Uncle Sam is willing to show off taxpayer money that has been spent on weapons that bring joyous oblivion to the enemies of freedom. The Mountain Dew Transformer (Dispensor) shooting out cans of soda should have made it plain what Michael Bay is out to do. So without further ado I dedicate this post to poor Singaporean Conscript tj_han to enlighten him about one of his major gripes, the one pertaining to Uncle Sam and other things.

Best Recruiting Film EVAR

He will have my vote in 2012. Optimus Prime loves America more than anyone I know and he’s an alien!

I’ll cut tj_han some slack because he is a poor oppressed conscript drafted unwillingly into Singapore’s army at a young age as photographer or what I call a cushy public affairs job, not that I blame him for being cunning and crafty the lucky git. Believe it or not Uncle Sam isn’t liked much by the majority of his ungrateful nephews and nieces many of whom have become chickenhawks or hippies and when one of them is willing to talk to the old coot is overjoyed at a chance to show off his prized collection of weapons like an otaku would show off his limited edition stuff and his ero-game collection. Transformers 1 was a chance to pimp the F-22 and V-22 which had incredibly controversial development cycles, now that that budget war is over it was high time to get more volunteers hence it has always been a recruitment film otherwise why waste the jet fuel and ordinance? Unlike a conscript army where unemployed high school graduates can be dragged out and forced to work; Uncle Sam has a heart of gold while your ODEX overlords do not. Thus Uncle Sam needs volunteers and what better way get as many as he can than by telling his nephews and nieces that they might actually get a chance to fight alongside Optimus Prime and get Arcee to give them a ride. Also the railgun thing was probably a joke too since if tj_han knew then he would have realized just how much effort the US Navy has put into to pursue holy grail that is the railgun. Also carriers need lots of people to crew it and there is never enough crew so it was time to pimp them too especially after the Mission Accomplished debacle… Also if tj_han really does hate Uncle Sam he is racist because Obama is President now, and how typically Asian is that for him to be afraid of the negroes…tsk tsk comrade let’s try not to live up to Asian stereotypes and practice Kung Fu instead. Also it would mean that I will have to give tj_han a Glasgow Smile (WHY SO SERIOUS?) so we can all be friends again because Impz would be sad if we could not get along and because his trappiness thinks tj_han should smile more. Also it’s not Uncle Sam’s fault that Optimus Prime would rather fight alongside Americans, Brits, and Jordanians than him (honest it’s because he doesn’t blog about Shin Mazinger Z).

In regards to Megan Fox

Starscream had issues with working with Megan Fox…until he tried her toast.

I do believe that beauty has always been in the eye of the beholder, I could not possibly care less if there are men who find her hawt. It’s like how Yui beat out Ui in popularity love blind and seemingly retarded as well. Besides she is a law abiding citizen of these United States. Also it seems excessively mean to call her ugly and fake as she has been punished enough by having to make out on camera with Shia LaBeouf.

The source of all his troubles…

He gave Shia LaBeouf an acting career in exchange for for his dignity…

It’s actually the Devil. It is no secret that Shia LaBeouf has signed a deal with the Devil as nothing else can explain the ease in which he gets jobs as an actor and hos is movies don’t always bomb. It’s like Indiana Jones 4 his movies just kinda just turn to shit that some how makes money. Against the Devil there can be no victory because the Devil was created through the collective fapping and lustful thoughts of all otaku. It’s time to learn to live with it and stop demanding a refund from Michael Bay and start doing figure reviews again. If a 21% on Rotten Tomatoes could not stop people from seeing it one can only resign themselves to the inevitable conclusion that suckers are born every minute and the rantings and ravings of one enlightened genius is all but stifled in the face of people with no taste. If you want to get back you money I suggest you start selling bootlegs of Michael Bay’s films, the problem is actually finding a buyer. What can I say comrades? Shit happens, Michael Bay got to do Transformers (if only that online petition had succeeded) and George Lucas got to do Episodes I-III and Indiana Jones 4. Now let us pray to Haruhi-sama for deliverance and another light novel.

Now if you’ll excuse me I have to go help the Autobots hunt Decepticons and have tea with my personal hero Soundwave. Lastly it was also part of President Obama’s plan to bail out GM, thank you all who saw the film so that we may keep making oversized gas guzzling turcks and SUVs.