THE WORLD SHOULD JUST BREAK: How’s it Like Being a Mirai with No ‘mirai’
August 22nd, 2009
The Melancholy of Onozawa Mirai
For someone named “Mirai”, she sure doesn’t have much hope in the “future”, or more like, she doesn’t even know what that future is supposed to be. She’s discontented with her life at present, but she doesn’t really know what she wants. Confusing huh?
“How do you see yourself 10 years from now”
Mirai found herself mulling over this for the better part of episode 1, and all that she can think of is what she doesn’t want to be, what she hates in this world. She hasn’t found her NARITAI JIBUN yet so the image of her ‘future self’ is still fuzzy, and I can imagine her racking her brains trying to figure out what the heck she’s going to write in her summer assignment if the Tokyo Magnitude 8.0 never happened.
Personally speaking, this is one of those essay-writing activities that I really loathed back in elementary, high school even, second to its “What I Did Last Summer” counterpart. I usually end up spouting a lot of cheesy crap when writing these essays, quoting stuff here and there despite not knowing what the heck I’m saying. But hey, we were just teens then, and teen writing sucks (thanks to coburn and Cuchlann for bringing this post to my attention via GRSI). So it’s totally understandable. *nods*
Many of us can relate with Mirai, I know I can, by a WHOLE LOT. We’ve most likely been through that stage (or still going through it) — the disenchantment stage, trapped in the limbo of childhood and adulthood, the time when you started “hating” anything and everything; you keep on thinking that things aren’t working out the way you want, when in fact you don’t even know what you want or who you really are — you lacked understanding, there’s so much that you don’t know, but you were too prideful to admit it, or too lost to come into terms with that simple fact.
There’s a lot that Mirai should be thankful for at present, a loving brother, being able to study in a prestigious school, friends, or even the lack of hostile classmates. Her mom and dad might not be there constantly for her and Yuuki because of their work, but the openness in their family is something to be envious about. I couldn’t even talk to my dad the way she does, let alone complain upfront to my mom and dad whenever they have their stupid petty fights.
But as the ones before me have said, Mirai’s behavior is but understandable, nothing surprising with a 13-year old kid being selfish and narrow-minded, right? Though of course, that doesn’t mean her bitchy behavior can be excused. But otou-san has already explained much about the Mirai’s true face (or her HONTOU no JIBUN), and she has very well redeemed herself in episode 5 so no need to expound on that 
The Mirai In Me (or you can also say Me-rai *ba dum psh*)
*** Real Life dorama flashback sequence alert *** ~cue cheesy dramatic flashback BGM~
Back in the day I would always envy my classmates’ parents because they didn’t set High-Bar Expectations for their kids, far unlike mine (my father in particular). Just being in the Top Ten was enough of a reason for them to Celebrate!!, while I was required to be on TOP. And of course, there’s nothing to celebrate about that — when I get to the top, I’m just doing as per required, if not — SHAME ON ME. My mom would give me presents in celebration for my triumph, but I always felt it wasn’t enough, not without the recognition from my father, who, despite not really being there as I was growing up, still affected me that much. I grew up from being a friendly assertive and outspoken Murasaki to an apathetic Shinkurou, and I conveniently pinned the blame on my dad.
Up until college I still had that kind of mindset, albeit on a lesser scale, because I found another scapegoat: our thesis leader who “crushed my pride and made me realize how incompetent I am”, after my Blooming Frosh Year. It all started with one Rat In A Maze project where I decided to take the easy way out by joining the group where my geeky superhuman classmate was part of, so I could take it easy and still get High Grades. Boy did I regret that decision, though it’s now a life lesson I shall never forget. I ended up doing almost nothing for the said project because I felt really lost, like THE rat in a maze. I ended up with a spunky 4.0 but close to 0.0 sense of accomplishment.
But things didn’t stop there. Like a willing puppet I continued to team up with our Great Leader and even became part of his thesis group, excelling in other subjects while feeling miserable as I work on our thesis without much sense of achievement. I graduated with flying colors, but it was overshadowed by the incompetence I felt as I went through college under the wing of our “leader”. I couldn’t even feel proud of the graduation distinction I earned because it’s like I “cheated” my way through college, despite how I worked hard for the rest of the subjects.
Looking back, I realize just how much time I wasted brooding over my life all those years, when in fact, I WASN’T DOING ANYTHING ABOUT IT. When I felt “lost” in our thesis that I can’t even explain the whole philosophy behind our project, I didn’t even go the extra mile to acquaint myself with the system we were making. While our “leader” was at fault for developing about 80% of our thesis project, consulting our thesis advisers without even telling his other groupmates [aka us], I shouldn’t have given up so easily; I should’ve done something to recover from the “sense of incompetence” I felt as I simply stood speechless during our thesis defenses because I felt as if I didn’t have anything worthy to say. All the while I was resigning to my “fate”, conveniently blaming people when things go wrong, when things get f*cked up [from the way I saw it].
In short, I DIDN’T HAVE THE RIGHT TO BITCH ABOUT MY LIFE.
Mirai’s life would’ve turned into a total angst fest, even worse than mine, had the Great Earthquake not happened and opened her eyes to reality — swallowing her little worries as she realizes how insignificant they are compared to what people are facing in this time of crisis, and the little joys people cling to despite this tumultuous time.
Beneath the Aftershocks and Beyond~!
Aside from opening our eyes to the reality of an earthquake crisis (and I’d like to think there are even far worse calamities than this), behind the shambles, tremors and aftershocks, I believe, is this message: Don’t bitch about your life when you’re not really doing anything to make it better; You can’t expect things to happen on its own, you can’t expect people to be mind readers and know exactly what you want without you telling them either. If you think your life/fate is f*cked up, then ROW ROW FIGHT YOUR OWN FATE.
More importantly, don’t ever forget to live each day in gratefulness. It’d be sad if we grow up to become apathetic / ungrateful pessimistic bastards. Even Tokyo Magnitude 8.0 producer Noriko Ozaki mentioned as she explains the motivation behind Tokyo Magnitude 8.0 that “…people live each day without even being aware (or being grateful) of the blessings that each new day brings” [despite the announcements made by the Government Earthquake Research Institude of the 70% chance that an earthquake with a magnitude greater than 7.0 could hit Tokyo in 30 years time, people aren't the least bit alarmed about it, she says]
There’s this one quote from Grey’s Anatomy which I saw once on TV and has been stuck in my mind ever since: “It’s good to be scared. It means you still have something to lose.” Even something so negative as fear can be something to be grateful for
There are things in life that are far beyond our control, things/people/events we can only do so much to change — the parents we’ve had since birth, the people we interact with on a daily basis, disasters like this earthquake, among others. And what really matters in the end is how we steer our lives despite these ‘external forces’, how we’re going to drive through the bumpy road of life so it can still be a ’smooth driving’ experience. How we remain intact despite the crumbling world around us, hopeful despite everything.
Oh boy did I get carried away or what… so much for rambling .__.; * hands a cookie to whoever reads this till the end *
Related posts:
Posted in Scrumptious